Sarina Vail

I never saw my father walk on water

But maybe I saw him crawl

It's easier to count the things he did wrong than

To count the things he meant for

It's hard to explain it's like

Well, a man in a whirlpool

The direct center

Spinning and turning and

Being washed under

No control

Can't make any movements to pull himself out but

By god

(And maybe it wasn't, we weren't religious growing up)

He keeps trying

Never seen a man pushed under so many times

But he still rises

(He Rose)

He was gripped with

A n g e r

A d d i c t i o n

It wasn't easy, I watched him

Tear himself up

Night after night neverending

The cycle only broken with death but

Maybe it's tragedy that gives us life

One night we fought

I yelled I screamed

(I was only a kid)

Ran and hid somewhere to cry

Wanted to be alone

I needed it

(Well now I am)

I heard him cry too

Surely he must be mocking me

I got so angry

Only to find out he lost his own mom that night

He had already lost her when he found out

But his family hadn't even called to tell him

Until it was too late

Never again since that night have I felt a

(Tiny)

Studio apartment

14 floors up

Shake so bad