Hector Colom

I walk a lonely road

The only one I ever know

You may ask where it goes,

But it only leads to the asylum which is my home

 

You may say your house is a safe haven

But for me it's a warzone,

A wasteland that divides me somewhere in my mind

I’ve been traveling in the desert of my mind

And I haven’t found a drop

To get me out of this desolate place

 

I can’t find the salvation of an oasis

Instead I find a captivating mirage

Which reflects an image of myself

And what I see is a loser that hides behind

A mask of my disguise

Trying to hide the wreck of my emotions

I was forced to deal with what i feel

There is no distraction to mask what is real

 

So I try to run away from this mirage

But my mind decides to double-team me

And I surround myself with the images

Of my own self doubt.

I try to fight my way through

The words that come out of my mouth

 

No one wants to see you

No one wants to hear you

Why don't you choke on yourself

Swallow the hate or just fucking go

All you are is a fucking monster

A walking disaster

You are cureless cancer

Why don’t you just die already

 

I start to become irritated

By the hallucinations of my insecurities

I can feel my body shaken and defeated

And being engulfed with despair

With the little energy I have left

I send one final punch to myself

And the image of me cracks into pieces

And the images suddenly disappear

As well as the landscape I was in

And all I see is the bathroom mirror shattered

My my bloodied hand in the center of it

 

My body slowly lays itself on the floor in shock

What exactly happened inside of me

I was waging a war behind my face

And above my throat

I tell myself I'm fine, but i'm lying

I'm so very far from fine

I’m so damaged

Nobody knows what's inside of me

Who is that inside of me?

Is that the real me

Or shadow me?