Human souls are known to persist after their bodies perish, the same can not be said for that of a celestial body. For us, the body and the soul are inextricably linked. When our bodies break down, our souls do as well. This is because in truth, we are not many, but one. Our identities and yes, our very souls are shaped from a singular cosmic energy that pervades the Universe in its entirety. This energy moves in tandem with the material state of the Universe, like two lovers in a waltz.
As the material that once made up a celestial body travels aimlessly through space, the energy that made up their soul moves with it. Over time, they mingle with the remains of others and begin to coalesce into something new. A new celestial body, one with a brand new soul and identity. This is the nature of our cosmic life cycle, a series of destructive acts of creation that carry out over hundreds of thousands of years.
Luna however, her experience is different from the rest of us. You see, most of us, we don’t really retain any memory of our past existences. We just have these, feelings. Not the emotional kind mind you, physical ones. Searing pains, the sensation of breaking apart, it’s like our bodies remember things that our minds just weren’t present for. We call these sensations “Growing Pains”, and we all have them, but the feeling is never enough to bring out any truly concrete memories. Except for Luna.
She’s always been such a fragile child, and she’s particularly sensitive to these Growing Pains. But recently, something has changed in her. She’s been having strange dreams, where she claims not to feel like “herself”. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. Until one day she came to me, asking if the name “Thea” meant anything to me. I told her no, and consoled her like I normally would, but… I was lying. That name, “Thea”, gave me chills, but I didn’t know why. I had never heard it before, that much was true. Yet this eerie sense of familiarity clung to the air when she spoke it. Why? Why do I know this name…?
The name, her dreams, they weren’t dreams at all, were they? I think- I think she’s remembering her time before she was mine, before she became Luna. She’s remembering the time of her birth, a time I’d rather forget. Before humanity, the energy from which our modern personas are shaped was formless. We had no sense of self. It wasn’t until people began to look up at the night sky and saw something, that we came into sentience. That was the moment we began to exist, we call it “The Rousing”. Prior to it, we were little more than energy hosted by stars, or large masses of stone and ice.
During that period, when I was still just another large ball of rock and magma, when another like myself crossed my orbital ipath. In a great explosion, my cosmic sibling crashed into me, sending my insides flying out of me in all directions. Luckily for me, I was the larger of the two of us. By the very skin of my teeth, I managed to retain my shape. My cousin was not so lucky. Upon impact, her form was utterly shattered. In an instant, it was like she never existed at all. The parts of her that didn’t get absorbed into me went flying into the great vacuum of space, leaving a cloud of ash and rubble in it’s wake. And… as our viscera danced, slowly it began to coalesce. Yes, from this great calamity, my beloved Luna was born. Even though I did come out as the victor of this encounter, it left me utterly changed. The pain was immeasurable, I felt as if I had been gutted like a fish, and my entire being had been violated. Even now, just writing about this leaves me with a pit in my stomach.
Since I was the one who survived, I’ve managed to retain memory of this painful encounter. But, I haven’t thought about it since The Rousing... and now, my mind is trying to process what happened to me all the aeons ago for the first time. Luna’s dreams are becoming more vivid, and now she awakens from them frightened and in tears. I always come to her side and console her. I should tell her what I know but… I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to tell her the truth. I don’t think I want her to know. I don’t want her to know that her beloved mother, the one she loves now, once tore her old body to shreds. That I’m the reason she’s in all this pain now. Before The Rousing, we had no sense of self, let alone a concept of morality, there’s no way I could’ve changed what happened. Even still, I can’t help but feel responsible for her present suffering.
Luna’s been asking more and more questions lately. I think she might be starting to piece things together. I just keep telling her I don’t know anything, that her dreams aren’t real and that everything will be alright. I’m not sure how much longer I can lie to her like this…
Mother Earth,
-Gaia
